In memory of a truly beautiful (in all senses of the word) young man.

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There are some events which are permanently etched into your memory; you remember exactly where you were, the emotions locked away and instantly replayable. My first such memory would be June 1969 when the Eagle landed on the moon, another the collapse of the Berlin wall, and then, of course, that Monday morning in October 1993.

One of the first things I heard as my bedside radio woke me up that morning was the news that River had died. I just lay there, stunned, and more than anything else angry.

I'm not given to idolisation, sure I'd lust after the latest hot body, but I don't devote my life to cataloguing some star's every move, yet River Phoenix had become important to me. It's difficult to quantify, but for me he managed to transcend the rôle of movie star to reach out and communicate directly with his audience. In interviews, in his music as in his films, there seemed to be no disguise; contradiction and confusion at times yes, but not the usual contrivances so many public figures hide behind. Maybe it was just an infatuation, he was after all a very attractive young man, but I don't think it was just that. He had somehow become more; like a friend, a would-be lover if you will. I looked out for his every appearance as if it were a private letter just to me.

And friends don't just walk out of your life.

I've read the biographies, and even though they tell of drugs and lies, they cannot hide the fact that these are not what was in River's heart. It seems almost inevitable that his childhood convictions would clash with his adult lifestyle and in Hollywood that too often means drugs. But I cannot believe that he had turned into the stereotypical addict; the degenerate dropout whose life centred on satisfying his need for the next high. The real River cared, he wanted us to understand him, he wanted to understand us and it is those qualities that made him so special and so beautiful. He may have known what he was doing that night in the Viper Club or he may have been the victim of reckless "friends", I don't know. I just know that the world has lost someone very special, someone I cannot forget.

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If you would like to find a book about River, or check if your favourite film is on video, you may find what you're after at Amazon or BlackStar.

Copyright © 1996-2002 Adrian Skeates
This page was created 14 December 1996
Most recent revision 3 June, 2002