Classic Coronation Street

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Switches to old b/w titles for Coronation Street. In the Rovers, Martha Longhurst, Minnie Caldwell and Ena Sharples are sitting at a table.

Minnie

Oooh thank you Ena, and good health!

Ena

I'll give you good 'ealth Minnie Caldwell!

Minnie

Oooh Ena, I'm sure I never meant ...!

Ena:

No, you never do mean, Minnie Caldwell, so think on and look sharp!

Martha

Oooh, sup up and shut up! I've 'ad enough skriking in this bug 'utch to last me from Weatherfield Viaduct to Whit-week walk!

Minnie

Its a lovely milk stout, Ena!

Ena

By the thump, Minnie Caldwell, you take the barmcake you do!

Martha

Oh leave 'er be, Ena Sharples! You've a chip on your shoulder that big, Jackson's Chippy couldn't come up wi' t' vinegar!

Ena

Put a pikelet in it Martha Longhurst and you might hear something to your advantage!

Martha

'Appen I might, Ena. What's to do?

Minnie

Oohh yes, Ena, what's to do?

Ena:

Well, I keep me trap shut and me lug 'oles open, unlike some folk I could mention and you can 'ear some very interesting things if ye keep your 'air net pressed up against t' vestry wall!

Martha

By 'eck Ena Sharples, you weren't be'ind t' mangle when they 'anded out t' stair-rods!

Minnie

Oooh, Ena, what 'ave ye 'eard?

Ena

That stuck up Ida Barlow, 'oos no better than she should be ... it'll not be too long before she falls under a bus! That Harry Hewitt 'l likely get crushed under the axle of 'is own van! And as for Valerie Barlow ... and if this isn't judgment for setting 'erself up in 'er own front parlour as a so-called 'air stylist then my name isn't Ena Sharples, from what I 'ear its two clogs to a threpenny bit that she'll electrocute 'erself with 'er own 'airdryer!

Minnie

But what about the poor little twins, Ena?

Martha

Their Peter and their Susan?

Ena

Off up to Scotland and back after twenty years without so much as a Scottish accent!

Minnie

Ooooh that is nice! I must tell my Bobby!

Martha

Is that all?

Ena

All, Martha Long'urst? I should think it is! I can't stand around all day listening to gossip unlike some people! I've got clinkers to riddle and pots to scythe!

Martha

Did you not 'ear nowt about me?

Ena

'Appen I did, Martha Long'urst. And 'appen I didn't. But I'll tell you one thing ... (she takes Martha's milk stout and pours it into her own glass) You won't be wanting this!

Cast

Ena

Victoria Wood

Martha

Julie Walters

Minnie

Someone else whose name I don't remember

First shown on Victoria Wood—As Seen On TV Special on BBC2 18 December 1987.

Transcribed by Maria Enriquez Harris (enriquez@bioch.ox.ac.uk)