As sung by Victoria Wood at The Secret Policemanís Other BallóThe 1981 Amnesty International Comedy Gala at The Theatre Royal, Drury Lane, London on 9Ė12 September 1981 and featured in Lucky Bag: The Victoria Wood Song Book, 2nd edition published 1992 by Methuen, ISBN 0-7493-0819-2
What can I say about this song, except that on the nights it goes really well, I know Iím not going to get any laughs with ĎMusic and Movementí. Itís out of a musical I wrote called Good Fun. One reviewer described me as Ďdominating the stage like a witty tankí. I was thinner then, but I had a very big anorak. In fact, for some matinees the anorak would go on by itself. It got more laughs but it couldnít play the piano. The play was about a cystitis rally, which led to lots of unpleasant correspondence with members of the public, who would write brief notes (well, theyíd have to be brief, wouldnít they?), ĎIíve got cystitis and it isnít funny,í to which I would reply, ĎSend it back and ask for one that is.í The trouble with this song is that people think I hate sex. I donít. I just donít like things that stop you seeing the television properly.
This song is indicative of my deep interest in the act of physical love-making. Itís very short.
Iíve had it up to here with blokes,
And all their stupid dirty jokes.
Men act as if to have a screw
Is the last thing they want to do.
Itís not that I expect true love,
Or gazing at the stars aboveó
To start your evenings off in Lurex,
Finish them with biscuits,
Iíve had it up to here with sex,
Those nylon vests and hairy necks.
And when they proudly strip and pose,
I want to say, "Whatís one of those?"
No more nights of drinking,
Nodding, smiling, thinking,
And when theyíre down to socks and grin,
You know itís time to get stuck in.
Iíve not had an encounter yet
That didnít leave me cold and wet.
Iíll finish and just say again,
© Victoria Wood, 1980
Go back to my home page.