Just an Ordinary School

Film. The school hall: assembly. Girls are singing hymns. One girl, Anthea, is singled out.

Anthea

(Voice Over) There are all sorts of girls here, even coloured girls, though they tend to be princesses mainly, but really, on the whole, it’s just an ordinary school.

The common room. Babs, Anthea and Ceal are lounging about, chatting. It is all very posh.

Male Interviewer

(Voice Over) And do you ever feel guilty about your fathers spending five thousand pounds a term on you?

Anthea

Not really, do you? I don’t really.

Babs

My father would only spend it on booze or something.

Ceal

New taps for his yacht or something.

Interviewer

(Voice Over) But I mean some parents can’t spend that amount of money on their daughters’ education.

Anthea

Oh, can’t they? No, I suppose no…

Babs

But you make an effort, don’t you?

Ceal

Yes, you find the money, because my cousin’s father’s a duke, and he’s awfully poor actually, and they sold a Gainsborough, quite a hideous one actually, and that sort of brought in enough loot to cover quite a few terms…

Babs

Anyway, you don’t have to have all the extras.

Anthea

Scuba diving – quite a lot of girls don’t do that now, do they?

Ceal

Or ballooning, hot-air ballooning. There’s only about ten girls here with their own balloons now.

Interviewer

(Voice Over) What I mean is: does it make you work harder, knowing the amount that’s been invested in you?

Anthea

No.

Ceal

I mean, a lot of things one learns here, they’re not really going to be very much use when one leaves.

Babs

I mean, we’re not going to talk Latin, are we?

Laughter.

Anthea

Or French!

Laughter.

Ceal

I mean tying my own show-laces, I just won’t ever have to do that… so why should I spend hours learning it?

Babs

Or cordon bleu.

Anthea

No, I think cordon bleu’s quite good, because, if you’re in for the evening, right, and you’re not being taken out to dinner, and, say, cook’s given notice or something, you might need to know how to cook, or you might really get quite hungry…Actually, I cooked chips once.

Babs and Ceal

Oh you didn’t, what a fib!

Anthea

Well, I stood jolly near while somebody else did, so shut up.

They collapse laughing.

The common room. The girls are as before.

Interviewer

(Voice Over) The feeling in the town seems to be that the pupils here are rather snobbish and stand-offish.

Ceal

People just get the wrong idea.

Babs

Just because one’s father’s Lord of the Admiralty or something, doesn’t mean you’re posh, particularly.

Anthea

My father hasn’t even got a title. He sent it back, so…

Ceal

People seem to think we sit around eating caviar all day long.

Anthea

When actually we’ve only had it three times this term.

Babs

And it’s jolly cheap caviar anyway.

The dining hall. The girls are queuing up for dinner, holding out thin, white gilt-edged plates.

Anthea

Oh, yuk! Dauphinoise, no thanks. What’s that?

Dinner Lady

Brochet aux champignons de rosée.

Anthea

OK, but not too much.

Babs

What is it, Anth?

Anthea

Boring old brochet aux champignons.

Babs

Oh, tediosity.

The common room, as before.

Interviewer

(Voice Over) What do you think about working-class girls?

Anthea

Well, I think there have to be some, otherwise it would be so hard to get served in shops and things.

Ceal

And for factories, I think factories would close down, actually, if it wasn’t for working-class people.

Interviewer

(Voice Over) Couldn’t you and your friends work in them?

Anthea

We’d be hopeless, honestly. We’d just get sacked, I think.

Interviewer

(Voice Over) Babs?

Babs

I can barely fit my bassoon together.

Ceal

Actually, my aunt worked in a factory during the war; it was her factory, and she said a lot of the girls there were really quite decent.

Anthea

On the whole, I think it’s better off if we just don’t mix, that’s why it’s so nice here, having the electronic gates, and the moat…

School hall: prize-giving. The orchestra is playing as a girl leaves the stage.

Headmistress

And now the Oswald Mosley prize for public speaking. And the nominations are Elizabeth Finsbury, Nella Parsley-Donne, Chung Lee Suk, and Anthea Fern Witty. Whoops, having trouble with the envelope, and the winner is – Anthea Fern Witty.

Cheers from the audience. Anthea runs to the front as the orchestra plays a jolly showbiz tune very badly. Anthea and the headmistress kiss, as she takes her prize.

Anthea

Oh gosh, I just want to say I’m thrilled to get this… I’d really like to accept it on behalf of Miss Hewitt and Mrs Winchester. I’d like to thank Babs and Ceal for all the marvellous help they’ve been to me – and to everybody in the Upper Fifth, I love you – this is for you.

Cast

Anthea

Felicity Montague

Babs

Tracey Childs

Ceal

Georgia Allen

Dinner Lady

Barbara Miller

Headmistress

Zara Nutley

First shown on Victoria Wood—As Seen on TV on BBC2 in January 1985.