Music and Movement

As sung by Victoria Wood on Victoria Wood real life—the songs, CD number OMCD1212, and featured in Lucky Bag: The Victoria Wood Song Book, 2nd edition published 1992 by Methuen, ISBN 0-7493-0819-2

This is a very old song, but so many people seem to like it. I keep on doing it. Because it’s the last song in the show I sometime relax a little, and I have been known to go straight from the first verse to the last chorus, and find myself in the dressing room with my socks off, thinking ‘What?’.

I wrote it for a radio programme produced by Alfred Bradley. We recorded it on a Sunday in Manchester, which is the only time I’ve ever been able to find a free meter.

I’m glad this song is in the book, because it means people won’t need to write and ask me for the lyrics. I can’t send them because I write everything in longhand, and I don’t cross my t’s, so ‘there’ looks like ‘here’. Good job I didn’t write ‘Here, There and Everywhere’, I suppose.

It’s bad enough at school without the wireless.
We have it nearly every afternoon.
It’s something called Music and Movement,
When you run about to a tune.

I wouldn’t mind if it was cops and robbers,

But the lady tells you what you have to be,
And I’m only a mixed infant,
So it isn’t up to me

And now we’re in the hall with the wireless on,

With this woman saying what we have to do.
Be as tall as a house,
As tiny as a mouse
I’m knackered and it’s only half past two.

It’s been a horrible day at school so far.

My best friend didn’t come,
And I got demoted from milk monitor
’Cos they heard me saying ‘bum’.

And then I got in trouble in the playground,

Had the slipper twice off Mrs Stock,
’Cos Linda Morris tried to kiss me
And I put my wellie down her frock.

And now we’re in the hall with the wireless on.

Going on and on, we haven’t had a rest.
Pretend the day is sunny,
You’re a funny little bunny.
Have you ever seen a rabbit in a vest?

I’m making this Christmas tree out of lolly sticks,

To take home to my mum,
But it’s gone all crumply and sticky
’Cos I’m not very good with gum.

And shepherd’s pie and cabbage for dinner,

And it wasn’t even hot,
Spotted dick and custard,
All dick and not a lot of spot.

And now we’re in the hall with the wireless on.

Our teacher’s joining in. She’s gone all red.
She’s the moon and we’re the sea.
There’s a big scab on my knee.
I’ll save it for tonight when I’m in bed.

© Victoria Wood, 1978